Muppet Glee
by Swimming Poole
Summary: Taking place between the episodes "Nationals" and "Goodbye", Figgins allows the glee club to perform a gala show with a celebrity of their choosing in honor of their big win at Nationals. With no other options left, Will decides to go with the Muppets, who may not be too different from New Directions as the kids think. Hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Muppet Glee

Things couldn't be any better for New Directions.

After three years of being bullied, slushied, and plotted against by Sue or some bitter rival, they had finally overcome all adversity and won Nationals AND the full respect of McKinley High. Will cried himself to sleep from so much joy after his first intimate night with Emma. Coach Beist was pretty proud herself of her boys in the glee club too. As for Sue…well, she was still Sue. Although, she somewhat acted a little choked up since they got the trophy. Could it have been her softening up at long last to Schuester and his glee club?

"Hmmm…" Sue pondered, "let me check." She felt her chest.

"Nope, it's just my heart pills doing their job. Good job, boys!"

And that's what you missed on GLEE.

A week after Nationals, Mr. Schue was asked to meet up with Figgins in his office for something important regarding the glee club's success.

"You're kidding!" Schue exclaimed.

"I kid you not, William" the Hindu-American principal replied. "In honor of your glee club's win at Nationals, the school is allowing you to perform a special gala night with the celebrity OR celebrities of your choice…as long as the school can afford said celebrity OR celebrities of your choice."

"But wouldn't that eliminate our amateur status and ban us from ever competing again?"

"Oh no, you probably don't remember the last time the glee club won Nationals all those years ago. They got to sing with Donny Osmond! I and the show choir committee give you our full support!"

Will couldn't believe it, his glee club, the underdogs, the outcasts, HIS glee club, was going to be performing with a celebrity of their choosing! The kids were all ablaze with excitement. The problem was, however, who would they be performing with?

Rachel wanted Barbara Streisand, naturally. Puck had one word: SLAYER! Blaine thought it'd be fun to sing with Michael Buble. Mike Chang was secretly an avid Savion Glover fan, but not secretly anymore once he admitted it to the class as a suggestion. And Brittany…

"Me? Perform with a celery of my choice? Wouldn't I just end up eating it?"

It seemed like everyone wanted to perform with someone too expensive, too inappropriate, too unrealistic (like when Brittany finally went with Alvin and the Chipmunks when told what a celebrity was), or all of the above! At this rate, they weren't gonna find one by next week, which was when Figgins said the gala would take place.

Will sat quietly in bed that night, thinking of who New Directions could perform with. He quickly flipped through TV channels, with each click of the remote paying less and less attention to what was on as he stared blankly while he thought.

"Why don't you find someone who more or less resembles the club and its morals?" Emma suggested.

Will just nodded as he slowed down his clicking. He stopped on one channel. It was a movie channel, showing "The Muppets Take Manhattan". Being a simple Muppet fan, he sat and watched as Kermit and his friends sang "Together Again".

But as he watched, something occurred to him. The Muppets were a bunch of performers whose eccentric personalities frequently clashed with each other. They played the underdogs in plenty of productions. And they always stuck together regardless of how bad things got. Will Schuester smiled.

"Emma?"

"Yeah Will?"

"Get me the phone, New Directions has got its celebrities!"


	2. Chapter 2

"The Muppets?" cried the club.

"That's right" Schue replied. "We're gonna be performing with none other than the Muppets for our celebratory gala."

The class was a little skeptical about working with what some people in the school (commonly, but incorrectly) thought of as children's entertainers.

"I think it's a great idea, Mr. Schue" said Santana, "I always imagined what would happen if we brought Big Bird in and had him sing a song with Finn!" She ended her sentence with a snide snicker.

"Funny, Santana, very funny…" muttered Finn under his breath as some of the class laughed with her.

"Now Santana…first thing: it's just going to be Kermit the Frog and his troupe from The Muppet Show and their movies, he won't be bringing any of his co-stars from Sesame Street."

That got a relieved sigh from Puck, who was worried that the last thing the school would remember him doing was singing "C is for Cookie" with a bunch of bratty kids.

"And second thing: while I did choose them because they remind me of you guys in a sense, I also chose them because they stand for almost everything we do! They always stuck together and put on a show that they thought meant something to them if not everyone else. They were called underdogs at times too. In a way, you can say they paved the way for us."

Kurt stood up.

"I don't know about the rest of you guys," he began, "but I'm all for the idea. I'd love to work with the Muppets. I mean when will you ever work with a celebrity that entertained you during childhood? A celebrity that made you smile when someone pushed you down? A celebrity that gave you hope? Well, that celebrity for me was actually Steve from "Blue's Clues" since I kinda had a crush on him, but the Muppets were a close second for me! Count me in, Mr. Schue!"

Mercedes quickly stood up and clapped.

"I'm with Kurt; I think this would be fun! In fact…" She looked over at Rachel and raised an eyebrow. "I think it'd be fun for Rachel too, she and Miss Piggy can enjoy each other's sense of glory-bathing…" she said in an icy tone.

"MERCEDES!" Will shouted, "What did I just say? And didn't we all learn anything from the events that happened this year? ESPECIALLY during that whole "Trouble-Tones" fiasco?"

"But it's so obvious they would, though" she replied.

"No…" Rachel quietly spoke up.

Everyone turned to look at her, and saw that she had her head down with sad lowered eyes to match.

"Rachel, aren't you excited? We're working with the Muppets! This is a big opportunity!"

"Mr. Schue," Finn spoke on her behalf. "I think Rachel is still a little sad over the fact that she still didn't get Nyada. I mean it IS close to graduation and she botched her audition."

"Don't feel bad, Rachel. You know, back in the 1970s when the Muppets were doing The Muppet Show, a LOT of celebrities were literally begging them to be scheduled on the show! Maybe working with the Muppets could help you out."

"I really doubt it. What would the Muppets, especially Miss Piggy, want with someone like me…?"

"Nonsense, Rachel! I bet they, especially Piggy, are just dying to meet you and everyone else!"

Meanwhile…

"Moi refuses to do this, Kermie!"

"But Piggy…" Kermit the Frog tried to ease the porcine starlet as the Muppets rode on the bus to the school. "Mr. Schuester told me that there are kids in this school who would love to meet us! And besides, performing with a high school show choir may be good for us. People would find it charitable."

"Not for MOI…" Piggy grumbled. "If you ask me, this is a complete step back. C'est undignified!"

Kermit just shook his head, being the level-headed frog he was, and turned to the others riding in back. Immediately, Walter looked at him and smiled.

"I can't believe it!" he cried, "my first celebrity guest shot as part of the Muppets! Wait until Gary and Mary hear that I performed with a real live glee club! Back in Smalltown, we…"

"Um, Walter…" Kermit interrupted, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you DO remember that that part of your life with Smalltown and everything was just part of the movie."

"Oh yeah, (laughs) sorry. I just couldn't help myself."

"I can't wait either" Fozzie Bear said, "Gags Beasley just sent me a couple of good school-themed jokes for my act in the gala!"

"I sure hope they don't mind a dog on campus" wondered Rowlf.

"Never mind you" replied Gonzo, "what about my chickens?"

"I'm sure my boomerang fish will be a hit amongst the kiddies!" Lew Zealand giggled as he threw some around the bus.

"Hey Boss-Frog" Floyd shouted in back. "Are we there yet? I think Animal needs to use the "little drummer's room"!"

"POTTY BREAK! POTTY BREAK!" chanted Animal.

"Um…let me check with Scooter" the nervous frog replied.

Kermit went to where the ever-reliable Scooter was sitting?

"Well, Chief," the Muppets' go-fer/stage manager began, "with the half-hour lecture by Sam Eagle on bus safety, then add the bumpy start we had when we got that flat tire, not to mention the "small" traffic jam in Hoboken, this has actually been one of our quickest road trips yet."

"Yes, yes, but how much longer until we arrive at the school?"

"Well, I'd say…"

All of a sudden, the bus came to a screeching halt, with some Muppets getting flung out of their seats, as Beauregard slammed in the brakes literally at the school's entrance, literally as in right in front of the school's doors!

"…now." Scooter finished.

"We're here!" Beauregard called out to everyone.

Shaken, Kermit was the first to exit.

"Th-th-thanks, Bo… (sigh)…Ok everyone, we've made it! We're in Ohio!"

The Muppets began to step off the bus and into the school.

"Dis sure don't look like "Sweet Apples" okay…" said Pepe the King Prawn, looking around at the surroundings.

"We can make pop culture jokes relating to Ohio later, Pepe" Kermit replied, "we just have to find the choir room first. That's where Mr. Schuester said we should meet him and the kids."

With that, all the Muppets, with a reluctant pouting Piggy in tow at the back, set out to meet New Directions. Not too far behind, a certain pair of old men popped in just as Beauregard risked his driver's license even more as he tried to find a more legitimate parking spot.

"So, looks like the Muppets are performing at this school…" Waldorf said. "Boy, I haven't set foot in a school in years! I feel so OLD!"

"You ain't kidding" Statler replied, "When YOU were in school, they hadn't invented books yet!" They both chuckled in their all too familiar fashion.

This was the beginning of what would end up being the most "Muppetational" event that McKinley High would ever experience.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until long that the Muppets found Will waiting for them in the hallway.

"Hi-ho" greeted Kermit, "you must be William Schuester, the glee club coach."

"Yes I am" Will replied shaking the Frog's flipper. "It's an honor to meet you and all your friends here!"

The Muppets all said hello and introduced themselves one by one, except Miss Piggy, who was still disgruntled over the fact that she was going to be performing with a school glee club…until she set eye on Schue himself.

'Oh lord…" she thought with an agape mouth, 'he is what Kermie would look like if he weren't so green and wet…' At that moment, she thrust herself through the group and grabbed hold on his sides.

"Bonjour mon admirer, vous don't need any introduction said for moi."

Will started to blush. "No…" he said, "I know well enough that you are the irreplaceable Miss Piggy!"

"Well mon Cheri, moi is looking forward to working with your cute little kiddies…"

"Gee Piggy, whatever happened to "working with this glee club is going to bring me down"?" snapped a slightly un-amused Kermit.

"I…uh…changed my mind? Ha-ha…" Piggy laughed nervously as she always did when caught in the act.

"Well either way, I'm glad you're gonna be working with us, Miss Piggy. You'd work great with one of our most gifted performers. Her name is Rachel Berry and she's just dying to meet you. In fact, all of my students are inside waiting to meet you all. Come in!"

Will opened the door and saw Emma and the kids all sitting quietly, awaiting his next move.

"Ladies and gentlemen" he began, "THE MUPPETS!"

At that point, all the Muppets came barreling, shuffling, and flapping into the room to the applause of Will, Emma, and the club…except for Rachel, who still remained despondently quiet. Kermit, being the leader, stepped in front.

"Hi-ho everyone, Kermit the Frog here. On behalf of all the Muppets, I just want to say that we're all very excited to be performing with all you students in New Directions in celebration of your big win at Nationals. We were all shown a video of your performance and I must say you all are intensely talented one and all! In fact, if you were to perform on The Muppet Show, you'd probably get a much better audience response than 90% of our usual acts do…"

The kids all laughed at that remark.

"Now I also hear that your teacher is a talented performer himself, am I right?" Kermit looked at Will. Being put on the spot, Will blushed.

"I, uh, wouldn't really call myself a performer, per say, but my own talents have lent themselves to a few interesting lessons!"

Pulling his famous banjo out, the Muppet amphibian looked at the human teacher, who brought out his own guitar. The two then began performing a string duet to the delight of the entire room.

"Oh my…" Piggy swooned, "he has such a way with music…"

"He sure does" Emma replied. "He's my fiancé!"

THAT didn't abide well with the Pig, but seeing as not only was he still talented and nice to look at but also the fact that she was in a classroom surrounded by young students, she decided to let it go for once.

"Hmph, he could do much better than you…" she angrily muttered.

After they finished, everyone applauded. Piggy then cleared her throat loudly and spoke up.

"Well, I don't know about all you, but moi would like to see this Rachel Berry moi has been told about!"

The students all looked at each other nervously. Would their resident diva star get over her residual disappointment regarding her school of choice and open up to the Muppets' own diva star or otherwise?

"She's right here, Miss Piggy ma'am" said Kurt. The gay boy went over to the sulking girl and pointed her out for the famous Pig.

"Thanks, porcelain" she said, sending Kurt walking off and praying that she hadn't already met Sue. Kermit and Will motioned for everyone, student and Muppet, to leave the two some space.

"So…" Piggy began, "you must be Rachel. Moi has heard a lot about you."

Rachel just looked up with low eyes, nodded slowly, and then went down again.

"For this glee club's "shining star", you don't seem so bright in spirit…"

No response.

"Say something! Are you a girl or some… lifeless, talentless PUPPET?"

That remark invoked a collective gasp from everyone, for more than one reason considering the "circumstances" regarding the Muppets. Regardless, Piggy turned to Schue, displeased.

"THIS is your beloved star? She can hardly say a word! I bet her voice was just prerecorded dialogue for her to lip-synch to…"

All of a sudden, Mercedes went up to Piggy and tapped her on the shoulder.

"And what do YOU want?!"

"Excuse moi, but my name is Mercedes Jones and I've been a fan of your work since I was a little girl. In fact, I mark you down as the #1 influence of my own budding singing career!"

"Oh?"

"Let me demonstrate…"

Mercedes then sang her own rendition of "Don't Rain on My Parade", the very song Rachel loved AND flubbed during her Nyada auditions. In fact, she walked right up to her, more hurt than ever, and whispered to her "You snooze, you lose, Rachel. You're missing out on the chance of a lifetime." Needless to say, Piggy was impressed. She took Mercedes by the hand and they both walked up in front of the room.

"It is official" Piggy announced, "this girl is to be moi's official protégé for the Muppets' Glee Club Gala! The rest of you little brats can work with whichever freak you want…"

Still a little shaken from Piggy's unceremonious outburst towards one of his students, Will turned to the class.

"Ok…I suppose you could all take a hint from Miss Piggy and Mercedes, each of you partner up with your favorite Muppets and work on an act together for the show! Go and find a nice spot where you can work quietly and…"

"Um, Mr. Schuester…" Kermit interrupted, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why, Kermit? What harm could it do?"

All of a sudden, the bell rang and immediately all of New Directions walked out with their new Muppet partners in tow.

"Be sure to meet up again in an hour and a half with your acts!" Will called out to his students. "Now Kermit, you were saying?"

Kermit grimaced. "You'll find out soon…and don't say I didn't warn you…"

Will looked at Kermit with a look of concern, and then saw Sue walking toward him rather happily.

"Hey there, Willy" she smirked. "I see the glee club will be working with the Muppets, I'm just here to tell you that me and my two new friends can't wait to see your show."

"Friends?"

She then stepped aside to reveal her new comrades: Statler & Waldorf! All of this much to Will, Emma, and Kermit's dismay!

"Looks like both the frog and the teacher are looking a little green around the gills over the news!" exclaimed Statler.

"You'd think they'd be more shocked over the fact that we're being seen with a woman half our age!" Waldorf replied.

All three laughed and walked off. Could all this be a sign of things to come?

"I warned you…" Kermit said ruefully.


	4. Chapter 4

The reason Kermit was against the idea of the Muppets setting out somewhere in the school to work with the New Directions was a no brainer. Wherever the Muppets go, some sort of mess or mischief was sure to be made.

Kurt was first to find out. He and Blaine were with Beaker trying to find a song to sing for just the three of them.

"As much as I love the Muppets, I originally wanted to work with Michael Buble for this" said Blaine. "Perhaps we could sing one of his songs to honor my original idea."

"How about something by Andrew Lloyd Webber? I've been on an ALW fix lately" Kurt replied.

"I think we should let our little Muppet friend decide. What do you think, Beaker?"

Kurt and Blaine looked to Beaker, who was a little nervous at first with all the attention. But then he reached into a pocket in his coat and pulled out a CD and gave it to Kurt with a 'meep'.

"What did he give you?" Blaine asked.

"Looks like we're doing ALW after all" Kurt said, showing that the CD was a soundtrack to "Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat".

At that point, a distant voice called out:

"Oh Beakie!"

It was Dr. Bunsen Honeydew himself, looking as merry and eager as ever with a case containing as-of-yet unknown objects.

"There you are! Hello boys, I take it my wayward assistant has been of great assistance to you for your gala performance."

"Yes he was, Dr. Bunsen" Kurt answered.

"Glad to hear, he's always been of great assistance to me too. In fact…"

Bunsen began to open his case, revealing several fuzzy dolls that immediately caught Kurt's eye.

"Oh my god!" he cried, "Sooo cute! What are they?"

"I have been researching how many teens and children love to collect seemingly whimsical yet functionally redundant toys and knick-knacks" Bunsen began, "and so we at Muppet Labs have concocted our own contribution to the lucrative chase. Behold: Muppet Labs' collectible and adorable… 'Bitty-Bunsies'!"

The mad Muppet doctor picked one up to reveal that the toy was a small Bunsen head with wacky hair.

"Best part is, each 'Bitty-Bunsie' has a different surprise awaiting the lucky consumer who graciously pats it on the head, as my WILLING assistant shall demonstrate…"

Upon cue, Beaker whimpered and tried to run off, but was grabbed by his superior.

"Stop acting like a baby, Beaker" Bunsen scolded, "especially since these WERE designed for children 4 and up!"

With no other choice, Beaker patted the head of one 'Bitty-Bunsie' and received an electric shock to the surprise of the two teens' surprise.

"Whoah! Is he alright?" asked Blaine, looking at the stunned Muppet twitching on the ground.

"He's just overtaken by how cute our new 'Bitty-Bunsies' are, my boy" Bunsen replied. "Young master Kurt, why don't you try one?"

He handed one with a fluffy green mop of hair.

"That one ought to be less painful, I think…"

Kurt looked at the toy, then at Beaker, then lastly at Blaine and Bunsen.

"Here goes nothing…" he said.

Kurt patted the green haired object, and received no electrical current. Instead, the thing began to vibrate and emit steam from its round ears. Then it looked as if its little mouth was opening up. Before anyone could react, the 'Bitty-Bunsie' shot out a massive stream of green slime, covering poor Kurt in its unidentifiable substance!

"Oh my…" Bunsen said in surprise," that wasn't meant to happen. I specifically designed that one to activate hidden rocket engines and send it and the user sky-high! Oh well, I have plenty more inventions where that came from. Speaking of which, I invented one that may benefit your performance levels during the show! I shall return with it later."

With that, Dr. Honeydew went running off, leaving a bewildered Blaine and slimed Kurt to look at each other and question what just happened.

"I feel like I've been to Nickelodeon…" Kurt murmured.

He then turned to Beaker, who had recovered from his zapping. Beaker handed him a napkin, then slowly sunk his cylinder head into his collar in sympathy.

The cafeteria wasn't safe from the Muppets' silliness either.

On the cafeteria line, the lunch lady was taken by surprise as a massive, furry, brown Muppet had just greeted her. It was Bobo the Bear.

"Hello there" he said, "I'm Bobo the Bear and I've come to, how shall I say this, taste your wares." He chuckled as he quietly noted to himself he should become a poet since he made a few rhymes.

"Fine..." the displeased lunch lady replied. "Today's special is salisbury steak."

The giant Muppet bear looked at the price, $7.99, and looked back up at her.

"Got anything...cheaper?"

"Macaroni and cheese, $5."

"Got anything cheaper?"

"Medium size drink, $3!"

"Got anything cheaper?"

"Potato chips, $1.99!"

"...got anything CHEAPER?"

The lunch lady had it up to here with Bobo when a fly came into her view. Empowered by her frustration, she swatted it dead in one blow, flipped it onto a plate, and slammed it in front of him.

"A fly...FOR FREE! Now SCRAM!"

"Gee...thanks ma'am" the bear quietly said. "Oh and by the way, I think you have an admirer."

The lunch lady turned around and saw none other than the Swedish Chef with a bouquet wrapped around a spatula, waving at her with an amorous "Hurdy-ho..." to his smile.

The football field was a different story.

Finn and Puck were working on a number with the Electric Mayhem, prominently featuring Animal, when they overheard a mighty tiff coming from across. Apparently, some younger students were tossing a football and three Muppet monsters, Gene the Behemoth, David the Luncheon Counter Monster, and Mo the Frackle, intervened when one of the students said the word "pigskin" to describe the ball. Now the two bigger monsters were fighting over who would get to eat the ball as Mo watched nervously and quietly!

"It's MY pigskin! I'm hungry!" cried David.

"No, it's MY pigskin! I'm hungrier!" shouted Gene.

Finn and Puck watched with concern, meanwhile Animal watched with excitement.

"What can we do to stop this?" Finn asked.

"No stop! No stop!" Animal cried.

"Hmm..." Dr. Teeth pondered as he and the other Mayhem members watched with interest, "the Doc KNOWS that what the Doc SEES requires a posilute professional! Oh SWEETUMS!"

In an instant, Sweetums came up from behind the two quarreling Muppets and took the ball right out of their hands/paws.

"You're both wrong" he growled, "it's MY pigskin!"

And with that, he stuck the ball in his mouth and swallowed it in one gulp much to the young students' shock.

"He ate the ball!" exclaimed one of the students.

"Y-y-y-you're lucky..." stammered Mo. "The last time he visited a football field, he ate half the team! AND a cheerleader!"

Speaking of cheerleaders, Santana and Brittany weren't able to pick who they got to work with, for one certain king prawn made the move first. Pepe decided that he and Santana would do a salsa dance together while Brittany added her own brand of "special effects".

"Eh, Brittneez...I don't tink rainbow sprinkles are good for our number okay..."

She kept throwing them around as they danced, and they were the dessert type of sprinkles for that matter so they kept gumming up Santana's stillettos.

"Santana, could jou tell jer friend to stop?"

"Brittany, dear?" Santana calmly asked. "Could you PLEASE ease off on the sprinkles?"

Brittany just smiled and threw some that got in her hair, much to Pepe's quick-witted amusement.

"Well, jou ARE quite a cupcake okay!" he cracked, "I could just eat jou up!"

But as soon as he was to make a seemingly sexual move on her, Rizzo the Rat entered.

"Ritzo! Oh, eh, weren't jou helping out Gonco wit heez act?"

"No way! After he mentioned he was going to include gasoline tank diving in his Hawaiian hula rap number, I wanted out! A buddy of mine lost a relative to that sort of stuff. Poor, poor Mario, he was told living under a gas pump was dangerous..."

Brittany gave the dejected rat a hug.

"Aww, thanks sweetie. Do I smell ice cream on you?"

"It's the sprinkles" she replied.

"Close enough" he said as he began picking at the floor at all the discarded sprinkles.

"You're cute, I should introduce you to Lord Tubbington."

Rizzo and Pepe both perked up, "Whoah, you know royalty?"

"It's not what you think..." Santana muttered.

"He's my cat!" Brittany brightly beamed.

Rizzo immediately took back his enthusiasm and ran for his life, calling out to Gonzo that he changed his mind.

It seemed that nowhere on campus was safe from the Muppets and their uncanny ability to cause some sort of unrest even in the most peaceful of settings. Kermit and Will walked down the halls as chickens and penguins wandered the halls aimlessly and/or interracted with random students and faculty. Kermit just shook his head at the mess he knew would occur, Will stood there speechless. Then out of nowhere, a familiar voice spoke up.

"Schuester! Mr. Frog! In my office, immediately!"

Kermit and Will gulped, what Figgins could possibly want with them was a little bit both a no-brainer and anybody's guess. The question was which of them was it more of...


	5. Chapter 5

Kermit and Schue sat in Principal Figgins' office. Here, they were joined by Sam the Eagle. Figgins stared the Frog and glee club teacher icily straight in the eye while Sam sternly stared straight back. Obviously, there was a problem.

"William, what exactly were you thinking? Your chosen celebrities have run this school into the ground, all in one half hour!"

"Look, Mr. Figgins, sir" Kermit began, "I warned him that letting my friends run free around the school would be trouble, it's just that everyone rushed out so quickly and…"

"Principal Figgins," Sam interrupted as Kermit made a face-palm in an 'oh brother' fashion, knowing that the blue bird's advice wouldn't help. "As an American eagle AND moral foundation of this otherwise disgraceful patchwork performing troupe, I apologize for my not being able to put a stop to whatever damage your fine learning establishment has suffered. I assure you it will NEVER happen again! …and while we're here, may I make a suggestion on how to improve this school's moral fabric? The school colors, red and white, are very nice, but I believe those two shall benefit greatly by the addition of the color blue. Together, those three colors will further inspire our country's youth to follow the path of greatness as they receive the gift of higher learning. This, my good sir, is an idea that is brilliant! It is strong, proud, and most importantly…American!"

The room was a silent, living still-life of two men and a frog staring at an eagle standing on a chair.

"Now now, why must you not believe me? If this idea shall not help you in any way or form, I'd be a monkey's uncle!"

A knock on the door was heard, and in came a Muppet messenger pig holding a letter.

"Is there a Sam Eagle here?"

Sam politely took the note and opened it as the pig went on his way.

"Dear brother Sam…" he began to read, it must have been from a close relative. He read it quietly until he gasped in pure shock. He turned to Will, Kermit, and Figgins.

"What happened, Sam?" Kermit asked with genuine concern for his reluctant friend.

The flabbergasted eagle held up a photo of a two month-old baby gibbon.

"…my newly-adopted niece."

Embarrassed, Sam left the room, leaving the three to continue their conversation.

"What were you saying before now?" Schue asked.

"I just want to know why you chose these creatures as your performing celebrities. Didn't you realize this would happen? They're almost as trouble-prone as your glee club, only worse!"

It was there that Will suddenly realized that the Muppets had more in common with his students than he thought. Figgins was right about how almost all the kids on New Directions were usually, in one way or another, the driving force behind many of the school's conflicts. Then he remembered how the Muppets' acts usually disintegrated hazardously onstage on The Muppet Show, not much like the club's lesser-successful moments.

"You're right…" he said sullenly. "Kermit, I apologize for bringing you and your friends out here. I didn't know this would end in a disaster."

"Don't apologize" Kermit replied, "I know things went out of hand, and that things look a little grim right now, but there has to be something good to come out of it. In fact…"

Kermit went to the door and opened it to reveal Walter and Emma standing there.

"Just sing 'la-la-la-la-la-la'" Walter began to sing.

"The sun may never ever shine" Emma added.

"Sing..." Kermit began, while Mahna-Mahna popped up next to him and chimed in with "Mah-na-ma-na-ma-na-na!".

"Somewhere, the moon shines bright" Artie and Tina sang as they stopped at the door.

At that point, members of New Directions and various Muppets began filing in Figgins' office to sing, much to his surprise.

"Jou've no dough, so relax" sang Pepe and Santana, "jou don't 'ave to pay an eencome tax-okay."

"There's a sunny side to every situation" Gonzo added, cuddling Camilla.

Sweetums, Finn, and Puck came up from behind the speechless principal.

"So the landlord raised your rent, stick out your tongue and raise a tent."

"Every situation has a FUNNY side!" Fozzie wailed merrily.

"And you know..." he added, "when I went to school, I became good friends with the principal. You could say that he was my princi-PAL! Aaaaaahhhhhh, wocka-wocka!"

Much to everyone's bewilderment, Figgins actually laughed a little to that joke. Even Fozzie gasped at this sudden stroke of luck.

"I will admit, Fozzie Bear" Figgins said, smiling, "you always were my favorite Muppet as a child."

That being said, the Bear and the principal hugged each other dearly. Kermit then tapped him on the shoulder to speak.

"You see sir, we Muppets may be furry, some of us may be loud and unpredictable, and at times we make a mess, usually by accident. But all we want is to make a difference in people's lives, make people happy, and find love and acceptance in return. That was the dream this crazy family of ours was founded upon. Now that I think of it, isn't that why you started your glee club, Will?"

Will just looked as if the words were taken right out of his mouth. He just nodded 'yes', his eyes aglow, as every Muppet and glee club kid in the room gathered into one big group around him and Emma.

"Every situation has a sunny side..." they all sang in finale unision.

Outside the office, Sue and Statler & Waldorf watched from a distance.

"A little sappy, wouldn't you say?" Statler asked.

"I think my false teeth are getting cavities just watching it!" Waldorf added with a chuckle.

"Little is putting it lightly" Sue answered, "try imagining running into this five days a week, nine months in a row, for thirty years."

"No need to imagine" the old men said, "we HAVE run into this for thirty years, ever since the very second we first bought a ticket to The Muppet Show!"

Figgins sat firmly, and looked at everyone.

"Ok, I forgive you Muppets. Just make sure your performance doesn't endanger the lives of the audience."

"You can count on us, Mr. Figgins!" Kermit replied.

"We'll make sure our gala is a real blast!" Will added.

Unfortunately, he chose the wrong word to say, for out of nowhere popped Crazy Harry with his ever-present detonator!

"Did somebody say BLAST?" he shrieked, to everyone's horror.

Inevitably, Harry pushed down on the plunger and a cloud of white smoke and a moderate boom sound emitted as the glass windows separating the office from the rest of the school were shattered, luckily harming nobody as nobody was in the exact vicinity as it happened. Sue and the hecklers began laughing at the scene.

"Now THAT'S how you end something with you guys!" she cried.

"This is going to be a loooong time..." Will muttered to himself as Kermit patted his back.


	6. Chapter 6

The big night finally came.

After dozens of rehearsals and the occasional trip to the hospital for Gonzo and/or Beaker, the Muppets/New Directions gala show was ready to go on! Kermit and Schue were decked out in traditional purple suits worn for formal moments on The Muppet Show Emma wore a light green dress with a collar that made Piggy think she was out to get her Frog, and she brought an umbrella just in case things got messy, knowing the Muppets. Even Beiste was all dolled up for the occasion!

Seeing as the Muppets WERE celebrities, there was some media coverage of sorts…

"This is Jacob Ben Israel, reporting live from McKinley High as we get closer to the opening of the New Directions Muppet Gala. I myself can't wait for it to start; I'm such a big Muppet fan! I know every Muppet by name…"

Jacob then turned to a Muppet right behind him, who was carrying a black bag whose contents seemed to be struggling for air and moving around. It was the peculiar Marvin Suggs.

"Hi there, sir. Would you like to say something to all the Muppet fans out there?"

"Yes-a, prepare to a-be amazed by triumphant a-return a-by Marvin Suggs and-a his Muppephones!" Marvin exclaimed.

The Muppephones, obviously the contents of his bag, all groaned in agony.

"Hmm, never heard of you."

Suddenly, one Muppephone popped out of a hole in a bag and bounced towards the nerdy teen.

"PLEASE!" the furry Muppet ball desperately cried, "SAVE US! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE WITH THIS MONSTER! IF I GO ON TONIGHT, I'LL-"

THUD! Marvin stopped him mid-sentence with a well-placed whack between the eyes. He picked up the motionless Muppephone and began to walk off.

"Um…" stammered a speechless Jacob, "we'll be right back?"

As everyone was getting ready onstage, Finn, Tina, and Mercedes peeked out into the audience. They saw a LOT of familiar faces. They saw Shelby with baby Beth, who carried a little stuffed Kermit in honor of tonight. Finn sure hoped Rachel would cheer up a bit by seeing her birth mother and unofficial step-sister in the crowd. Kurt peeked in too and saw Dave Karofski AND Sebastian Smythe with the Dalton Warblers. As slightly unnerved as he was to see them, he was also a bit flattered they came to support him.

"Here's hoping that 'meerkat' doesn't do anything to ruin tonight, he still looks a little shady to me" he said to himself.

They also saw some faces they hadn't seen for a longer time: Emma's old dentist friend Carl (wearing an Animal t-shirt), Bryan Ryan, Lauren Zizes, Dakota Stanley, even ex-coach Ken Tanaka! Ken looked at Will and Emma sitting next to each other so happily, his heart sank in regret as he swallowed another hoagie whole.

They quickly closed the small eyehole and went up to the Muppet arches they were going to be using for the opening. Artie just looked at them and sighed, staring down in his wheelchair.

"What's the matter, Artie?" Scooter asked, walking by.

"I don't think I'll be able to do the opening since I can't get up there" he replied sadly.

"Hey now" called Sweetums, "no need to worry, you can come out with us monsters at the bottom!"

"But it only fits 5 of you."

"Don't sweat it, we'll think of something."

Seeing that that problem as averted for now, Scooter went back to the dressing rooms to see if anyone was still getting ready. He knocked on the door and peeked in.

"New Directions! New Directions!" he called inside, "15 seconds to curtain, New Directions!"

The only one in the dressing room was Joe, whose dreadlocks were being chewed on by Animal and two Muppet dogs.

"Thanks, dude" he said as he struggled to break free without getting an unscheduled haircut.

On stage, everyone was in place and ready to go, except for Rachel, who was still shutting herself socially from everyone in the cast. Seeing this, Finn went over to her.

"Rachel, cheer up. I know you may not be going to Nyada, but tonight you should let it go and have fun on stage in front of all those people who've come for you! I mean we're working with the Muppets! And even your mother's here! With your dads I may add! Don't you want to make them happy?"

She smiled lightly, and turned away. His words didn't work as much as he hoped. He watched her as they both got in place for the opening.

After Figgins gave his opening spiel, the lights dimmed, and a giant signboard appeared on stage saying "The Muppet New Directions Show".

"Ladies and gentlemen" bellowed the Muppets' highly-regarded announcer, Jerry, "please welcome your host: Kermit the Frog!"

On cue, Kermit swung open a door on the other side and popped out of the big 'O' in the word 'show' on the sign.

"It's the Muppet Glee Club Gala, celebrating McKinley High's very own glee club: New Directions! YAAAAAAAY!"

As the audience applauded loudly, the signboard was raised up and the curtains opened, revealing the legendary arch columns that opened each week's episode of The Muppet Show as the orchestra began playing the all-too familiar Muppet melody.

Brad, who usually worked alone as the sole pianist, shared the spotlight with Rowlf as Zoot's loud sax note cued the cast to come out. As in Muppet tradition, the giant monsters were first. Artie was wheeled in by Doglion as they, Sweetums, Thog, and the Mutations all marched in and pointed all attention to the upper-left, where the girls all grapevined to the other side. Camilla, Tina, Janice, Brittany, Wanda, Sugar, Afghan Hound, and Spamela Hamderson all sang:

"It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets at McKinley High tonight!"

The girls then looked at the right side, where the guys all came in above them on the other side. Mike Chang, Dr. Strangepork, Rory, Swedish Chef, Sam Eagle, Beauregard, Sam Evans, Link Hogthrob, Johnny Fiama, and Marvin Suggs all sang:

"It's time to put on makeup, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on the New Direction night!"

In the audience, Sue and Statler & Waldorf started to add to the song:

"Why did you two both come here?" asked/sang Sue.

"I guess we'll never know" Statler replied in the same way.

"It's like a kind of torture, to be in O-hi-o!" Waldorf concluded.

As everyone laughed, Kermit got into his arch and sang:

"To celebrate your glee club, that's what we're here to do. So it really makes me happy, to introduce to you...NEW DIRECTIONS!"

"The Muppets are working with NEW Directions?" Statler asked.

"It doesn't matter what kind of direction they're working with" Waldorf replied, "they're as big a lost cause as ever!"

The spotlights hit all the members of New Directions as the audience cheered with genuine love, something they wouldn't have really received had this been 2-3 years ago. Animal gave a little drum solo, which served as the cue Kermit gave a reluctant Rachel to sing:

"And now let's get things started!"

"Why don't we get things started?" everyone else sang.

"It's time to get things started..." Kermit began as everyone else joined in.

"On the most sensational, inspirational, New Direct-tational, MUPPETATIONAL, THIS IS OUR MUPPET GLEE CLUB SHOOOOOOOOW!"

The "Muppet New Directions Show" sign was lowered in front as Gonzo held up his trumpet and tooted out the refrain to one of the glee club's most beloved covers: "Don't Stop Believing". After the opening ended, Kermit came onstage and spoke to the audience.

"You know" he said, "during this last week, we had so much fun working with all these great students. It actually made me wish we had a glee club at the school I went to. Of course, it was located in the swamps so it would consist of all frogs and would be called the 'croak club'!"

"At least none of the members would complain of having a frog in their throat, right?" Sue called out as her two elderly friends chuckled along.

Ignoring them, Kermit continued.

"Anyway, we got a great show for you with all these kids working with some of their favorite Muppets. So let's give a round of applause for the Electric Mayhem with special guest musicians, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman! YAAAAAAAY!"

The first act consisted of Finn, Puck, and the Mayhem performing their version of "Bang the Drum All Day" by Todd Rundgren, with Finn dedicating it to his favorite Muppet, Animal, who played drums right beside him and tried to upstage him at times with his own brand of wild drumming. Everyone knew how if a celeb knew how to drum, Animal would try to outdo them. Here was no exception.

As that act was going on, Dr. Bunsen was fitting Blaine with a special collar.

"So you're saying this collar will enhance my projection?" Blaine asked.

"Precisely" Bunsen replied, "you won't even need to warm up thanks to Muppet Labs' Voice Vitalizer. And whenever you seem to be waning as you sing, I'll be here modifying you via this remote."

The remote looked shabby, but Kurt grabbed Blaine before he could speak up about it. Beaker, who was at the scientist's side, followed them as they took their places for their next act and listened onto Kermit.

"And now I am pleased to introduce Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson singing a trio number with our very own Beaker. Take it away, boys!"

The curtain opened with Kurt centerstage as Brad & Rowlf played piano and Janice strummed a sitar.

"I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain to see for certain what I thought I knew" he began.

Beaker sang the next line in his signature 'meep' language. And while so, Bunsen fiddled with the remote in preparation for Blaine's contribution to the song. However, while he was pushing on a small lever, it broke and the little gizmo short-circuited. Bunsen just put his hand over his mouth and hoped for the best.

"I wore my coat, with golden lining..." Blaine began in his beautiful soloist voice.

But then, lights on his Voice Vitalizer collar began to blink and flicker and something began to happen to that voice of his. It began to raise in pitch, he started to sound like he just swallowed a tank of helium as the audience cracked up with laughter.

"Blaine" whispered Kurt, "what's happening to you?"

"I don't know" replied a squeaky Blaine, "I think Bunsen's machine broke and now my voice is doing this."

Considering how Kurt and Beaker's voices with pretty high compared to Blaine's, this unscripted modification of the latter's made him on level pitch-wise. So now it was two boys and a Muppet singing "Any Dream Will Do" as the Muppets/New Directions' answer to Alvin and the Chipmunks. Despite this, they handled it beautifully and the audience loved it.

"What did you think of that number, Sue?" Waldorf asked.

"The higher the voice pitch, the lower my expectations" Sue answered as they all laughed.

A performance like that could've stopped the show for sure, but the night was far from over. The best/worst was yet to come!


	7. Chapter 7

The next act was a dance number starring Mike Chang, Brittany, and a number of larger Muppets performing a segment from the dance musical "Contact". More specifically, the 'Simply Irresistible' number from the "bar" segment. In said number, Mike played the lonely man looking for love as Brittany played the mysterious woman in yellow who was being courted by many a dancing Muppet, ranging from the full-sized Mutations to the diminutive Pepe!

The show went on, from a number by Quinn assisted by Bobby Benson's All-Baby Band (dedicated to Beth, of course) to Sam singing with the Gills Brothers (which incited some references to Santana's "Trouty Mouth" motif). All went well, or at least relatively well with a few technical difficulties and mishaps usually to be expected whenever the Muppets were to perform.

Now it was time for Miss Piggy's big number, in which she was to be singing "I Am Woman", a number she performed with Raquel Welch back in the day, with Mercedes. They even dressed accordingly, white feminine tuxedo with red bowtie and everything. They were just about to go on when Mercedes witnessed a small scene between Kermit and Scooter.

"Chief" said Scooter, "according to some of the rats, they're overhearing audience members wanting to see that Rachel Berry girl."

Kermit sighed.

"She's been so quiet the whole time we got here. I've done all I could, but it may take more than the usual Muppet charm to coax her out of her shell."

"Speak for yourself!" said Gonzo, all covered in clamped clams from his act. "I've been using that charm to get these guys to unclamp off of me…so I can stick active grenades in them and have them clamp back on me! I completely messed up my act!"

"Mr. Schuester wasn't lying when he said Rachel was fickle…I still don't know what to do to help."

Mercedes remained motionless, even when Piggy stomped her stiletto foot to garner her attention.

"What are you waiting for, girl? Hurry up!" the Pig demanded.

Mercedes thought, and said "No. I think you should really have a talk with Rachel."

"WHAT?! Moi has already tried that once when she got to this dump, and she just stood there! Haven't you heard the saying about making a first impression?"

"Well, haven't YOU worked so hard for something that even the thought of not receiving what you were working for hurts deeply?"

For once, Piggy was beside herself.

"…there have been many times for me, yes."

Kermit, Scooter, Gonzo, and a number of the kids were watching this, unbeknownst to them.

"Then go talk to her" Mercedes said softly, "tell her she's not alone."

Rachel was all alone in the dressing room, surrounded by framed pictures of Broadway marquees and looking at a brochure for Nyada. Then came a knock at the door. She raised her head to see who it was. It was Piggy, and the sight of her just made her sink again. Who could blame her after what happened in their first encounter?

The porcine Muppet put her gloved hand on the girl's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you the first time we met. You may think moi is doing this for good publicity, but that's just 65% the reason."

She looked at the pictures and the brochure Rachel was looking at.

"I see you had your sights set on Broadway. You know, let me fill you in on my youth:

Moi's father died when she was just a teeny little girl, and mother was NOT the nicest sow in the sty let me tell you. She always said I was dumb to think I was to amount to the star I would become and be known throughout the world as today. In my teens, I had to enter beauty contests to survive. They were the only place I ever felt like I was a star. Everyone cheering for moi, it was also the only form of love I ever knew. Until one day, I met the frog of my dreams as I won a local pageant at a carnival. It's re-enacted somewhat accurately in our first movie, you know. And he once told me: you don't need the whole world to love you in order to be a star, sometimes you just need just one person.

Does any of that make any sense to you?"

Rachel sat up and wiped away a tear.

"Do you have anyone in your life that you love?" Piggy asked.

Rachel looked at a locket given by Finn for her birthday, then a picture of her with Mercedes and Kurt taken during one of their sleepovers.

"Yes" she replied, the first word Piggy heard out of her. "I have all my friends in glee club. I always figured we were part of something special, ever since we all began singing all those years ago."

"Kinda sounds like us in a way, doesn't it? And you see now? Things aren't as bad as they seem. So what if you didn't make that school? You can still make it big! Maybe not as big as moi, but big in your own special right. And always remember…"

Piano music started playing in the distance.

"If just one person believes in you" Piggy began to sing, "deep enough, and long enough believes in you. Hard enough, and strong enough, before you knew it, someone else would say…"

"If she can do it" said/sang Mercedes coming in, "I can do it! Making it…"

"Two whole people, who believe in you" the two sang together, "deep enough, and long enough believe in you. Hard enough, and strong enough, there's bound to be some other person who believes in making it a threesome…"

Finn came in and joined the two.

"Making it three, people you can say, believe in me! And if three whole people…"

Kermit came to Piggy's side.

"Why not four? And if four whole people…"

Will, Emma, Kurt, and Blaine opened the door…

"Why not more…"

…ushered her out of the room…

"and MORE…"

…and brought her onto the stage, where she was met by all her singing friends, all the Muppets, and to the audience's cheers as she finally graced the stage in all her glory.

"…and MOOOOOOORRRREE?"

As everyone sang the final verse of the song, she looked around her and all thoughts of Nyada vanished as her eyes sparkled, seeing all of those who always supported her and always will.

"Maybe even YOU…" she sang at long last, "can believe in you, tooooooo!"

As the audience applauded, Rachel and Miss Piggy hugged.

"Thank you, Piggy" she said with much happier tears in her eyes.

"It was moi's pleasure" Piggy replied, "I was going to sing 'Every Situation Has a Sunny Side' from "42nd Street", but they sang that already a few chapters ago in this story…"

Kermit then grabbed Rachel's arm.

"Rachel, would you like to sing the last song with me and Piggy?"

"I'd love to."

She looked out into the audience and smiled.

"I'm Rachel Berry, and we are the New Directions: stars in our own right!"

Kermit took out his banjo, and began strumming a group of chords that delighted generations.

"Why are there so many songs about rainbows" he sang, "and what's on the other side?"

"Rainbows are visions, but only illusions" Rachel added, "and rainbows have nothing to hide."

"So we've been told and some choose to believe it" Piggy chimed in.

"I know they're wrong" sang Kermit, "wait and see."

Piggy and Rachel then put their arms over each other.

"Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me!"

It wasn't long until everyone began to join in again, even Will, Emma, Beiste, and even Figgins!

"All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic!"

Statler, Waldorf, and Sue then got onstage to join in the moment, much to everyone's surprise.

"Hey! If you can't beat them, join them!" the three all said.

For everyone that night, this was a scene to behold, as is any moment when that famous song is performed by the Muppets. Here at McKinley High was no exception.

"Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me! La-di-da-dee-la-da-dum, the LOVERS, the DREAMERS, and ME!"

The finale was met by thunderous applause and infectious standing ovation. Will had tears gushing down his face, as were many of his students, Rachel included.

"We've done it" Will whispered to Emma, "it's just like I pictured it when I first started the club!"

Finn kissed Rachel on the cheek with an "I love you" whispered in her ear. Kermit beamed as he looked at Will, while Piggy nodded in content as she looked at Rachel.

"Just like us?" Kermit asked his love.

"Mmm, moi supposes so" she replied.

Kermit and Will then turned to each other, then outwards and sang as the entire Muppet cast and every McKinley/Lima personality joined in:

"Life's like a fan fiction, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending, we've done just what we set out to do! Thanks to the LOVERS…the DREAMERS…and YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!"

THE END

This story written in loving memory of Cory Monteith, who never stopped believing, even when things got tough. May he be remembered and loved just as much as Jim Henson himself, whose Muppetational creations, in a sense, paved the way for the show that he starred on and revitalized the dream of singing and dancing and making people happy in a seemingly defeated world. For all that, we are truly grateful. Thank you, Cory.


End file.
